


The Killing Lights

by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)



Series: The Killing Lights [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Harry Dies, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Miscarriage, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-14 22:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 15,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8031811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Lamia%20of%20the%20Dark
Summary: Voldemort kills baby Harry. Bellatrix loses her unborn child after shielding the Dark Lord from a Killing Curse. Their child's death causes Rodolphus to abandon Bella, leaving Voldemort to care for her in her current fragile mental state.





	1. Black Death

**Author's Note:**

> One of my older works, written during late 2009 to early 2010. It was originally intended to be a oneshot, then was upgraded to a twoshot, and _then_ I finally decided to keep writing and see where it went from there...
> 
> I only added character/relationship tags for the main characters/pairings because I didn't want to clutter up the tags with all the people/pairings who only make a minor appearance.

_Put on your face and let's pretend,  
The killing lights won't kill us all again_. -AFI, "The Killing Lights"

~ The Killing Lights ~

Lord Voldemort was just finishing off James Potter when he heard Sirius Black's voice behind him shouting, " _Avada Kedavra_!"

The Dark Lord felt something brush his back and turned... just in time to see Bellatrix slide limply to the ground. She'd shielded him from her cousin's Killing Curse.

Rodolphus took up the fight where his wife had fallen, distracting Sirius well enough that Voldemort could now enter the Potter house unchallenged. He didn't have time to spare a thought to mourn the death of his most faithful. He had a child to kill.

But there was still the mother to deal with.

"Stand aside," the Dark Lord commanded coldly.

But Lily refused, standing in front of her child, begging him to spare Harry's life.

"Stand aside, you stupid girl!" Voldemort snapped, stepping closer.

Her wand shook in her hand as she readied her strongest shield charm, wondering what spell the Dark Lord would throw at her.

But he did not use magic against her. Once he was within arm's reach of Lily, he reached out and slapped her - hard enough that she fell to the floor.

" _Avada Kedavra_."

Lily struggled to her feet, her ears still ringing from the blow.

 _Why am I not dead?_ she wondered.

And then she saw the reason. The Dark Lord's Killing Curse had not been aimed at her...

She scooped her son's still-warm corpse from the crib and cradled him against her chest then collapsed to the floor, sobbing hysterically. All the fight had gone out of her. With her husband and child dead, she had nothing left to live for anyway. All that was left for her to do was await her impending doom.

But at that moment the Dark Lord was distracted by a sound from outside.

_That sounded like... but, no, it couldn't be...!_

He raced outside to see for himself.

Bellatrix was screaming. She was still lying on the ground almost exactly where she'd fallen earlier, hysterical sounds of panic and fury issuing from her throat, ignored by all others as the battle between Death Eaters and Order of the Phoenix members still raged all around the Potters' property.

The Dark Lord knelt next to Bella and pulled her into his lap, holding her tightly against his chest. Her hands clutched at the front of his robes and she buried her face against his neck. As she clung to him her screams gradually died down into sobs, then into sniffles.

When she was finally quiet he asked her, "How did you survive being hit with the Killing Curse?"

" _I_ didn't die," she rasped out bitterly. "But something _did_."

That's when he noticed that her skirts were covered with blood.

"I didn't even know I was pregnant," she whispered, sounding stunned. "I never... I never..." Her voice cracked and she broke into sobs again.

"You never would have put your child in danger this way if you had known," he finished for her. "I know." He suspected Rodolphus would be equally upset. The couple had been trying to conceive for _years_ , and Bella had gotten so jealous when Naricssa's child was born only a year after she married Lucius. And now Bellatrix would carry a burning hatred for her cousin for the rest of her life... or Sirius's - whichever ended first.

~to be continued~


	2. Black Anger

_5 a.m. on the bathroom floor  
From the night before_.  
_Do you find me dreadful?_  
_What a shame, such a sad disgrace,_  
_But she's not regretful._  -AFI, "The Killing Lights"

~ The Killing Lights ~

After learning that the Potter child was dead, the Order members had fled. Lord Voldemort had gone back and finished Lily off before ordering the Death Eaters to retreat.

It was a few hours after the battle and the Dark Lord was currently paying a visit to the Lestrange house, having arrived without their knowledge. He hated to admit it, but he was worried about the couple's mental states after the death of their unborn child. If Rodolphus took the news even half as badly as Bella had...

He was not expecting to walk into the middle of a fight.

" _Yes, it WAS your fault!_ " Rodolphus was shouting as the Dark Lord slipped into the room, remaining unnoticed by the arguing couple. " _How could you do that?_ "

"But I didn't _know_ that I was pregnant," Bellatrix sobbed, backing away from her husband as if she could sense impending violence.

" _You had to have at least some idea that you might have been, you stupid bitch!_ " Rodolphus snarled.

"Would you rather have had me die instead?" she asked tearfully. Voldemort could see that she meant for her husband to answer that he wouldn't have wanted that, to calm down and comfort her.

But Rodolphus snapped " _Yes_ " and stepped toward his wife, his hand raised as if he were going to strike her.

It was at this point that Voldemort intervened, moving between the couple and blocking Rodolphus's blow.

"Do NOT hurt her." He felt very protective toward Bellatrix. She had saved his life, after all - shielding him from a Killing Curse with her own body, knowing it would mean her own death.

The confrontation had put the two men uncomfortably close to each other and The Dark Lord moved back a few steps, keeping Bellatrix behind him.

"As long as the curse didn't cause any permanent damage to Bella's body, you can always try and have another," Voldemort said, in an attempt to provide a solution that would calm Rodolphus's rage.

"NO," Rodolphus roared, turning away. " _I am DONE with her!_ " And he disapparated with a sharp crack.

 _That seemed like an overreaction_... _unless_...

The Dark Lord turned to Bellatrix and asked quietly, " _Was_ there permanent damage?"

"No," she answered faintly, tears still streaming down her face. "The healer said I'm fine."

"Bella..." He didn't know what to say to her, or how to make her feel better. She'd just been left by her husband over her child's death, which she already felt bad enough about...

Voldemort placed his hands lightly on Bellatrix's shoulders, and when she did not protest or move away, he stepped closer and wrapped her in his arms. She leaned against his chest and returned the embrace.

"Bella," he said softly. "I do regret the loss of your child, but I am happy that you are still alive."

~tbc~


	3. Black Deal

_But it seems outside the screen,  
Such a pretty face often will look dreadful._ -AFI, "The Killing Lights"

~ The Killing Lights ~

She wouldn't be able to stay here, not with the way her husband was feeling toward her right now, and especially not if Rodolphus intended to initiate divorce proceedings.

After Bellatrix calmed down a bit - not _entirely_ , but enough - they went upstairs and packed her things. Mostly clothing, and a few other keepsakes and personal items.

"Where do you want to go?" the Dark Lord asked her once they were finished. When she didn't respond he suggested, "Malfoy Manor?" With her parents dead, her options were limited.

But Bellatrix shook her head. He should have guessed that she wouldn't want to stay with her sister. She had always been jealous of Naricssa, for being the spoiled one when they were children, for effortlessly attracting male attention when they were teenagers, for giving birth to a perfect pureblood heir so easily when Bellatrix had spent years trying but not given birth to a single thing... Of course she wouldn't want to place herself in the middle of a happy family when she had just lost her own husband and child.

He couldn't think of anywhere else that she might be welcome. She had no other family except her widowed aunt, the mother of the disowned cousin that had taken Bellatrix's unborn child away from her. He couldn't imagine her being able to stay in that woman's house without resentment.

He couldn't think of another safe place for her, except...

"Come home with me, then?"

He phrased it as a question, leaving it up to her to accept or reject the offer.

She was stunned for a moment by his proposition.

"I... my lord... yes, if you'll have me," she stammered out.

"Of course," he answered calmly. "You have always been my most faithful, and you _did_ save my life tonight."

She seemed a little disappointed by his reasons for providing her shelter, but perhaps he was reading too much into it...

"Thank you, my lord, for your kindness," she whispered, almost shyly.

"It is no trouble to me," he responded - and if she was not mistaken, his tone was a little warmer than normal as he went on, "As I said before, I _am_ happy that you are still alive."

~tbc~


	4. Black Shadow

_This is the fall,_  
This is the long way down.  
And our lives look smaller now. -AFI, "Summer Shudder"

~ The Killing Lights ~

No one else in the world - not even a single person among his followers - knew where the Dark Lord lived. He mentioned this to Bella, but doubted that her current fragile emotional state would allow her mind to fully process the honor he was bestowing on her by allowing her to be there.

He got her set up in a spare bedroom, and as soon as her things were upacked she curled up on the bed and went to sleep. It was a perfectly reasonable thing to do. She'd had a long day.

It was not an hour later when her screams brought him rushing to her side.

She was caught in the throes of a nightmare, re-living tonight's battle in her memories while possessing the knowledge of the tiny life that had existed so briefly within her.

Before he had a chance to awaken her, she snapped back to consciousness as the dream reached its natural end. She looked up and saw him sitting on the edge of the bed beside her. Tentatively, she reached for him. He enfolded her in his embrace, and spent the next hour trying to sooth her as she wept against his shoulder.

Eventually her sobs died down and, not long afterward, her breathing evened out and she drifted back to sleep right there in his arms. He waited a few minutes to make sure she wouldn't immediately waken again before he tucked her in and left the room.

She had a peaceful expression, and he expected that she would actually get some sleep this time.

But he was wrong. Nightmares soon claimed her again, and he spent another lengthy stretch of time holding her while she sobbed and cried out " _My baby, my baby_ " over and over again.

This time, when she finally fell asleep again, he left the room only long enough to retrieve a Dreamless Sleep potion, then settled down on the bed beside her - close but not touching - to wait out the next round of nightmares.

Yes, he hated to have to watch her go through such rough storms of emotional agony, but she needed to deal with the reality of her child's death and the nightmares were her brain's way of forcing her to deal with it. Later, if it seemed her mind would not still its thoughts long enough to allow her any restful sleep this night, then he would administer the Dreamless Sleep potion.

~tbc~


	5. Black Mindset

_What's this bitter taste left in my mouth?_  -AFI, "Clove Smoke Catharsis"

\- The Killing Lights -

She woke up disoriented, thinking that she was in her own bed at home. But the man beside her was not her husband, and the nightmare she'd just woken up from didn't only exist inside her head. The things that had happened in the dream were real. Not that they'd played out quite so horrifically in real life as they had when twisted by her sleeping mind - but reality was still reality nonetheless. Her cousin - disowned, but still _her own blood_ \- had killed her unborn child, which had been the final straw that shattered her already strained marriage.

The sounds of her restless movements drew him out of his shallow sleep. She hadn't screamed this time, but she must have had a nightmare (that, or a _good_ dream and then a reality check upon waking) because he could see that she was crying.

When she saw that he was awake, she reached out to him tentatively.

"Can I...?" she asked in a small voice.

"Come here," he said quietly, opening his arms to her.

She crawled over to him and laid her head on his chest. She cried quietly for a short while - during which neither of them spoke - before drifting back to sleep.

The Dark Lord was quite awkward with all of this. He had never learned how to care for another person. He wasn't sure how to comfort her, seeing as how his earlier attempts didn't seem to have had much effect. But he was determined to nurse her through her loss until she was in a healthier mental place. She was suffering through all of this agony because of _him_ , because she had saved his life. She was probably the only one of his followers who would have sacrficed her life for him that way. Sure, they were all willing to risk death in battle fighting for the cause, but he couldn't imagine a single one of them purposefully choosing to step in front of a Killing Curse in order to protect him. Actually, he wouldn't have expected such a thing from Bellatrix, either - but her devotion to the cause (and to him, personally) ran much deeper than any other Death Eater's.

She'd calmed down pretty quickly this time, even though he hadn't offered her much in the way of comfort. Maybe he wouldn't need to give her the Dreamless Sleep potion after all.

~tbc~


	6. Black Haze

_She's a mannequin of misery._  -Shinedown, "Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide"

~ The Killing Lights ~

She woke several more times during the night, but didn't cry or bother the Dark Lord with her sorrows. She felt like she spent more time awake than asleep - although she was fairly sure that was not what really happened, it certainly _felt_ like it - and by the time morning came she was thoroughly sick of lying in bed. As such, she did not protest one bit when the Dark Lord awakened her and instructed her to clean herself up in the bathroom and change her clothes before coming downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast.

She went about her task mindlessly, her body moving on autopilot while her mind remained numb and empty.

She'd slept poorly - both her mind AND body were feeling the effects of that.

When she wandered into the kitchen (it wasn't that hard to find, even if she _was_ unfamiliar with the house) breakfast was already on the table, getting cold.

"I don't keep any house elves, or other servants," Voldemort informed her. "Besides us, Nagini is the only other living thing in the house."

Which meant that he'd been the one who fixed the food. It was simple fare - scrambled eggs, toast, coffee.

Bellatrix didn't question anything. She ate without complaining, although he knew that she was used to far finer things than what he had to offer.

He tapped into her thoughts and found her mind alarmingly blank. The lack of sleep and the emotional shock of yesterday's events had combined into a gray haze clouding her mind, preventing all conscious thought.

She finished eating and looked to her master for further instructions.

"I spoke to your brothers-in-law this morning," he told her.

He'd said _brothers_ , plural. Which must mean that he'd spoken to both Lucius Malfoy and Rabastan Lestrange.

 _Ah, that caught her attention_. Out loud, he continued, "A lot of people are worried about you. No one knows where you are."

She seemed to have mixed feelings about that.

"Do you think you're up for a visit?" he asked. When she didn't respond immediately he continued, "I have things to take care of today, so you'd be here by yourself... and no one can get in or out of the house without me."

He didn't want to leave her here alone - for her own sake - so he was hoping that she would agree to go and visit her family.

"Alright," she agreed quietly, sounding skeptical as to whether she was really up to it or not but wanting to please him by doing what was expected of her.

It was too soon for a confrontation with the in-laws (especially since they didn't have any clue as to what Rodolphus was planning to do at this point), so he figured it would be better to start with her sister.

~tbc~


	7. Black Heart

_Steal away the darkened pages,  
Hidden so shamefully._ -AFI, "God Called In Sick Today"

\- The Killing Lights -

Just as they were approaching the gate at Malfoy Manor, Bellatrix stopped walking suddenly.

"I changed my mind," she said, her voice tinged with panic. "I don't want to, I _can't_ , let me go with you..."

Voldemort turned to face her.

"Bella, _calm down_." He cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to look him in the eye as he spoke. "I know this is going to be hard for you, but it will only get worse the longer you put off seeing everyone. You need this. You will be fine. I'll be back to get you this evening."

Then he leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the lips before he disapparated.

Bellatrix just stood there - completely stunned - staring at the spot where he'd been standing...

"Why are you just standing out here?"

Lucius's voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she jumped, startled.

"I..." she trailed off awkwardly, not knowing how to even begin.

Lucius sighed. "The Dark Lord told me he'd be bringing you. Narcissa has been worried." When Bella made no move to start walking toward the house, Lucius took her by the arm and said, "Come on" - in much the same way as one would to a child.

She followed beside him obediently as he led her to the house.

 _The loss of her child must have hit her harder than anyone knows, if this is how she's been acting since then_ , Lucius thought grimly. She was so dull and unrepsonsive... _Of course, there's also the added shock of having her husband leave her over it_.

Not that the Lestranges' marriage had been anything special to begin with. Rodolphus had never supported Bellatrix's decision to become a Death Eater. He felt that her involvement in the war was counterproductive to their efforts to produce an heir. Last night's events had only enforced that point all the more - if Bella hadn't been at the battle, their unborn child would still be alive right now.

Narcissa met them at the door, with Draco on her hip.

"Oh, Bella..."

Narcissa wrapped her sister in a one-armed hug which Bella returned awkwardly. Draco giggled as Bella's hair brushed against his face. He reached out a chubby little hand to wrap his fingers in the silky strands. After a moment, the sisters pulled apart. Draco scowled at his mother as she gently disentangled his fingers from Bella's hair.

"Can I hold him?" Bella asked almost shyly, holding out her arms. The look in her eyes was heartbreaking.

Narcissa was surprised by the request. She hadn't thought her sister would want to be around Draco much right now, when she had just lost her own unborn child.

Draco reached out eagerly toward Bella and Narcissa handed him over.

Bellatrix hugged the child tenderly. Draco melted against her in that special way only small children can and happily wound his hands into her hair.

Meanwhile, the Dark Lord was distracted from the things he was supposed to be getting done today by a single thought.

_Why in the Seven Hells did I kiss her?_

~tbc~


	8. Black Advice

_I am the once-embraced abandoned one._  -AFI, "A Single Second"

~ The Killing Lights ~

He was still worrying about it that evening when he returned to Malfoy Manor to get her.

"How is she?" was the first thing the Dark Lord asked Lucius upon his arrival.

"She... seems to be doing alright," Lucius answered uncertainly. "She spent most of the day cuddling with Draco... She's upstairs now, taking a nap before dinner."

"Lucius!" Narcissa called out from the kitchen. "You should wake Bella up soon, dinner's almost ready!"

It was almost funny that she'd chosen that exact moment to say it, seeing as how she hadn't actually heard the men's conversation.

"I'll do it," Voldemort volunteered. Because he didn't want to be forecd to sit through dinner with Malfoys without having had a chance to talk to Bellatrix first.

"Upstairs, third door on the left," Lucius said, telling him where to find her.

When Voldemort entered the room where Bellatrix was, he found her sleeping peacefully. She looked so beautiful and calm that he hated to have to wake her, especially since he knew she could use some decent sleep after the rough night she'd had last night.

He leaned down and placed his hand on her shoulder, shaking her gently.

"Bella... Bella..." he called out softly.

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him in sleepy confusion for a moment before remembering where she was.

"Hi," she greeted him awkwardly, at a loss as for what else to say.

He sighed and sank down to sit on the edge of the bed beside her.

"Bella, I'm sorry about this morning," he said.

His apology sounded sincere and she smiled a little.

"It's alright," she replied calmly. "You were right, I think being with my family helped. I don't know what I was so afraid of."

He'd meant to apologize for the kiss, not for making her stay here - but she'd either misunderstood or was purposefully avoiding the subject.

She shifted closer to him and laid her head in his lap.

"I do want to have a baby," she whispered.

He was surprised by the sudden subject change, but then realized he shouldn't be. Yesterday's tragedy was pretty much the only thing she had been able to think about since it happened.

"I never really thought about it other than as something that was expected of me," Bellatrix continued. "But after what happened... and today, playing with Draco... I realized I really do want to have one, a baby of my own." She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "But that isn't likely to happen now."

"Bella..." He stroked her hair in what he hoped was a soothing manner. "You can still have a baby." She'd told him that the healer said there was nothing wrong with her body.

"But... Rod..." Tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Rodolphus doesn't have to be the father." It wasn't exactly a very comforting thing to say, but he continued anyway. "You're probably not going to be married to him for much longer anyway."

She broke into sobs and he immediately felt guilty for saying something so insensitive to her when she was already upset.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, rubbing her back in a clumsy attempt at comfort.

"It's not _your_ fault that her husband's an ass."

They both looked up and saw Lucius standing in the doorway.

"Narcissa asked me to come and see what was taking you so long," he said, by way of explanation. "And I couldn't help overhearing what you were saying just now."

"He's not-" Bella began, protesting Malfoy's earlier comment.

"Yes, he is," Lucius cut her off. "And you shouldn't go back to him even if he still wants you."

~tbc~


	9. Black Mouth

_I cannot for a single second stand the way I feel._  -AFI, "A Single Second"

~ The Killing Lights ~

In the end, Narcissa came upstairs herself to see what was going on. After seeing what a mess the men were making of attempting to calm Bella down, Narcissa shooed them both away and took charge of the situation herself.

Narcissa sat down on the bed beside her sister - who was still laying down - and reached out to stroke Bella's hair lovingly.

"Bella, it's alright," she said softly. "Everything is going to be alright."

Draco wriggled free of his mother's grip and crawled across the bed to sit beside his aunt. He put one little finger on her face and ran it along the track of her tears curiously.

Bella laughed a little through her tears.

"Yes, Draco, Aunt Bella's crying," she told him, sitting up.

Draco crawled into her lap and she picked him up, cuddling him against her chest.

Only a few minutes had passed when the sisters exited the room. Needless to say, the men were impressed with how quickly Narcissa had gotten her sister calmed down.

"How did you do that?" Voldemort asked her quietly.

"You have to be gentle and reassuring," Narcissa whispered back. "Tell her everything is going to be alright, let her know you're there if she needs you. Honestly, that's all it takes." _I don't know WHY men don't understand_...

They made it through dinner without further incidents.

And then it was time to leave.

Before they left, the Dark Lord took Bellatrix aside and said, "Bella, you can stay here if you want. I'm sure your sister would be happy to have you."

But she was shaking her head before he even finished speaking.

"No, I can't," she said, her voice choked with emotion. "I was alright for today because I knew I'd be leaving, but..."

She couldn't stay there because... of Draco. Playing with her sister's child had been a nice distraction and had helped her to realize that she truly did want a child of her own. But she wouldn't be able to stand living there, being a burden to her sister's family. And watching Draco grow up would only make her feel the aching loss of her own child more every day.

"Can we just go back to the house, please?" she pleaded.

The look on her face was one of absolute agony. She was practically begging him not to abandon her here.

"Yes, of course," he answered quickly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against him. He couldn't stand to see her suffering like this. Remembering Narcissa's advice, he said softly, "I only though you might want to stay. I didn't mean that I would leave you here against your will."

"Really?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"Yes," he said firmly, leaning down to kiss her hair.

She lifted her head and gazed up at him with a soft look in her eyes. He brushed his lips lightly against hers.

It wasn't until she gasped softly as he captured her mouth in a real, hot, devouring kiss that he wondered what the hell he thought he was doing.

~tbc~


	10. Black Night

_And the rain will kill us all.  
We throw ourselves against the wall._ -Slipknot, "Psychosocial"

~ The Killing Lights ~

He broke the kiss and apologized, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry, Bella."

"You're forgiven," she mumbled. She hadn't minded the kiss that much, really. But he obviously felt guilty about it. If she were thinking straight, she would have connected the current events with the apology from earlier and the kiss from this morning... But as things stood, she _wasn't_ thinking straight. Her mind was filled with thoughts and memories of the death of her child, and of her husband leaving her. It had barely been a full day since then. She couldn't get it out of her mind even if she tried. In fact, trying made it worse.

He noticed that things were oddly _not_ awkward between them afterward. He'd expected there to be some awkwardness, but Bella acted exactly the same way she'd been acting ever since the incident. So, either it really didn't bother her or it just hadn't _registered_ in her mind...

Back at Voldemort's secret lair, the pair spent the rest of the evening in the library. Bella sat in a chair with a book open in her lap, staring at it and occassionally flipping the page but not really taking in anything she was reading.

The Dark Lord was busy planning his next avenue of attack. The tides of war were turning in his favor now that he had extinguished the light side's hope that the Potter child would be their savior.

Once his plans were readied for the next meeting, he put everything away and left the room.

It took him a moment to remember that Bellatrix was still in the library, and that he'd just left her there in the dark. She didn't seem particularly bothered by it, which he found disturbing. He would rather deal with her emotional breakdowns (during which she at least acted like a _person)_ than this strange mindless, emotionless state she fell into.

That night, he only got a few hours of sleep before he was awakened by her screams.

The nightmares were worse this time, much worse than the night before. Nothing he did could calm her. All he could do was hold her and wait while she cried it out.

After the fourth time, he carried her back to his own bedroom where - safe in her master's arms, surrounded by his scent - she finally slept.

~tbc~


	11. Black Storm

_Lost and insecure,_  
_You found me, you found me._  
_Lying on the floor,_  
_Surrounded, surrounded._  
_Where were you? Where were you?_  
_Just a little late._  -The Fray, "You Found Me"

~ The Killing Lights ~

A week passed with their days and nights continuing in this manner. Bellatrix walked around in a mindless haze during her waking hours and spent half the night screaming and crying.

The ninth day after the incident, Voldemort decided he'd had enough.

He got up without waking her - letting her rest until her sleep cycle reached its natural end.

She got up a few hours later and, confused by the late hour and the fact that her master wasn't in the room with her, went looking for him without bothering to complete any of her usual morning tasks. She looked in his bedroom first, as that was the most obvious place for him to be, but the room was empty.

She made her way down to the kitchen and saw that he wasn't there either. There were no dirty dishes in the sink, which meant he'd either already had breakfast and subsequently washed the dishes or he hadn't eaten _here_. She wondered if he'd left without telling her. He'd never done that before - he always either took her with him or told her where he was going before he left.

She managed to feed herself without too much trouble. Toast was easy enough to make... Anything more complicated she had trouble with - which was one of the reasons her marriage hadn't gone smoothly even from the beginning. She could barely cook, she could clean only moderately well, she hadn't even managed to oversee the house elves properly and had ended up having to leave household matters like that to be taken care of by her husband.

She shook her head and pushed the thought away.

She found the Dark Lord in the library. He was sitting in an armchair by the window, reading a thick book which he set aside when he heard her enter the room. She glanced at it - the title was  _Nightdream_. It wasn't one she'd heard of before.

He was looking at her with a slightly amused expression. She looked down at herself and saw that she was still in her nightgown. She hadn't put anything on over it, either.

"I'll... go change..." she said, a faint blush creeping over her cheeks. The nightgown she had on wasn't particularly revealing (black silk with a floor-length skirt and only a moderately low neckline that bared less cleavage than most of her daywear) but she wasn't wearing anything under it and the filmy fabric clung invitingly to her every curve.

"You can stay in your nightgown. We're not going anywhere today," Voldemort said, watching her reaction curiously. Apparently, not having him around to tell her what to do first thing in the morning had kept her mind alert. "And there's no need to be embarrassed," he added. "I saw you in your nightgown last night."

"But I-" she started to protest, stopping when he stood suddenly and moved toward her.

"If it really bothers you that much..." He shed the thin cloak he'd been wearing and wrapped it around her shoulders. "There."

"I... thank you, my lord," she replied awkwardly, somehow managing to sound grateful while thinking that the cloak really did nothing for the discomfort she felt at being in her master's presence while also being acutely aware that she didn't have any panties on.

"Come here, I have something to tell you," he said, returning to his previous position in the chair.

She moved a few steps closer.

"Come _here_ ," he said, gesturing impatiently for her to come to him.

Understanding what he meant this time, Bellatrix went over and curled up in his lap. The Dark Lord wrapped her in his arms, tucking her head under his chin. He began to stroke her hair soothingly and she realized that whatever he was going to tell her was _bad_.

"I spoke to Rabastan yesterday," he began. She cringed against him. She already had an idea of what was coming next. "Rodolphus has begun the divorce proceedings and it seems the ministry is willing to process the request, so..." He trailed off as she started to cry. "Bella, it's alright. You already knew this was likely to happen."

"Everything..." she choked out between sobs. " _Everything_ I've spent these past ten years working to make _work_... all of it was for nothing... I tried so hard... I _tried_... and _he left me!_ "

She howled with loss.

He felt helpless. All he could do was hold on tight and wait.

This was worse than any nightmare. She cried for _hours_. And every time he though she was going to finally calm down, she wanted to talk about it and ended up getting herself started crying again.

Finally, finally, she exhausted herself emotionally and physically, going still and silent in his arms.

~tbc~


	12. Black Hand

_Please don't ask me just what I think.  
Trust me, you don't want to know._ -AFI, "The Last Kiss"

~ The Killing Lights ~

After a few minutes, she got up from his lap and moved to an empty chair.

She just sat there, unmoving, and he worried that she might be slipping into her mindless robot mode again.

"How... do you feel?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know," she answered in a tired voice. "Bad." That seemed to sum up all the negative emotions running through her that she couldn't specifically put names to.

"Do you want...?" he gestured vaguely, indicating that he would cuddle with her more if that's what she desired.

Bellatrix shook her head. She didn't feel like being hugged right now. If anything, the one thing she wanted to do right now was find and kill Sirius Black. This whole mess was his fault. He's the one who killed her baby when she-

And then things suddenly clicked in her mind, as she finally took into account her own role in her unborn child's death. Finally, she could understand some of her husband's anger over what she'd done. Because her cousin's curse hadn't even been aimed at her - she'd leapt in front of it in order to shield her lord...

In that moment all her loyalty and devotion disappeared.

He wasn't entirely preapred for her to fly into a psychotic rage, but he reacted quickly when she did.

Between spells, feral sounds of aggression issued from her mouth. He found himself regretting some of the things he'd taught her as he defended himself against her. He only defended himself, never attacking. Once she actually came within arm's reach of him, he managed to wrestle her wand away from her. But she still fought, attacking him with her bare hands.

He grabbed her wrists and pushed her up against the wall, holding her immobile between it and his own body.

" _Stop it!_ " he shouted, shaking her. " _Bella, STOP._ "

She went still.

It wasn't his fault, she knew that rationally. During the battle nine days ago, he'd been finishing off James Potter - his back had been turned to Sirius when her cousin cast the spell. She'd seen what was happening and shielded her master from the Killing Curse. She might not have been able to foresee the consequences, but she had chosen her fate. It was no one's fault but her own that her baby was dead.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, collapsing against Voldemort. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"It's alright," he said gently, gathering her into his arms.

"No, it's not," she sobbed. "I killed my baby."

He couldn't deny that. It hadn't been an accident or just something that happened in the course of battle - she had knowingly thrown herself in front of a Killing Curse. So he offered the only thing that could possibly bring her any comfort.

"Bella, you saved my life."

~tbc~


	13. Gray Area

_Drench their sorrow in flame._  -Disturbed, "Sons of Plunder"

~ The Killing Lights ~

He didn't say it to her but he couldn't help thinking that if she ever _did_ have a baby, that child would be the luckiest child in the world because it would so incredibly to precious to its mother (who'd already lost one child without ever experiencing the joy of motherhood), so spoiled, so loved-

He stopped short in mid-thought, wondering why he'd included _being loved_ as a point in the child's favor... But he knew that this was one of reasons that Bellatrix was so upset - because she hadn't known she was pregnant, she had never had a chance to love the tiny life growing inside her before it died. If only she had _known_ about it, then she wouldn't have dared to venture into battle that day, and things would have turned out very differently for both her and the Dark Lord.

After he got her calmed down and Bellatrix went upstairs to bathe and change into her day clothes, Voldemort settled into the armchair by the window with _Nightdream_ again.

He got through only a single chapter between dealing with Bella's emotional outbursts for the rest of the day.

That night, he fed her a Dreamless Sleep potion before bed.

His reasoning behind this was not simply to provide a decent night's rest, for himself as well as her. He figured that if she was not allowed to experience the nightmares, then she would be forced to deal with her grief entirely consciously during her waking hours. And only then would she begin to heal.

Bellatrix was already beginning to drift off under the potion's effects when she reached for him suddenly, whispering, "Stay."

She knew she wasn't going to have nightmares - the potion would take care of that - so he was surprised that she wanted him there for... what, moral support? Comfort? Well, whatever she needed, he was here.

"Just stay with me, please," she murmured, as her eyes fluttered closed.

He laid down beside her - not touching, not even particularly close - but within arm's reach if she should need him for anything.

He thought he would have a hard time falling asleep but he was just as exhausted as she was from everything that had transpired today, and was out within minutes.

~tbc~


	14. Silver Sunrise

_I'll become what you became to me_. -The Goo Goo Dolls, "Black Balloon"

~ The Killing Lights ~

She woke around dawn the next morning, just as the first fingers of light were beginning to stream through the curtains.

When she saw that the Dark Lord was still sleeping peacefully beside her, she shifted closer and laid her head on his chest. She was afraid to go back to sleep. She didn't want to have to see her worst memories warped into nightmares. More than that, she didn't want to wake her master with her screams when he was sleeping so peacefully. This place was his haven - nothing could touch him here. And she'd caused him nothing but worry and stress in the nine (now ten) days she'd been staying here. She didn't want to be a burden to him, but she had nowhere else to go and he seemed determined to take care of her in return for her saving his life.

So she just laid there and let herself be soothed by the sound of his heartbeat. As morning sunlight slowly filled the room, she drifted somewhere between wakefulness and sleep where the nightmares couldn't touch her.

It was several hours later when Voldemort awoke and found that Bellatrix had snuggled up to him at some point during the night. He was surprised, but not unpleasantly so. He wouldn't mind waking up this way more often...

 _No_.

He steered himself away from such dangerous thoughts.

"Bella..." he called her name softly, tracing a finger down her cheek.

"I'm awake," she said, and he could tell from her voice that she had been so for a while.

She opened her eyes, staring unflinchingly into his. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of dark gray that he had never fully appreciated before. He noticed that there was a certain softness in her gaze.

Their faces were only a few inches apart. He quickly closed the distance between them, capturing her lips in a tender kiss. His mouth moved gently against hers and after a moment's hesitation she responded in kind.

He didn't pull away until the kiss came to its natural end.

"Good morning," she whispered teasingly, almost cracking a smile.

He would NOT be apologizing this time.

~tbc~


	15. Black Outing

_I can't eradicate what awaits when I awake_. -AFI, "No Poetic Device"

~ The Killing Lights ~

But their one sweet, shining moment could not last forever.

"There is something I didn't tell you yesterday," Voldemort said as he disentangled himself from Bella and sat up.

 _More bad news?_ she wondered. _But nothing could possibly be worse than what he told me yesterday_.

"Your mother-in-law wants to see you."

"I don't want to-" she protested immediately.

"No, I figured you wouldn't." He spoke over the tail end of her sentence and she went quiet. "I already told Rabastan to tell her that I'd be bringing you over today."

"I don't want to see her," she whined, giving him a pleading look.

To which his only reply was, "Be dressed and downstairs in ten minutes or you don't get breakfast."

Just because he'd kissed her a few times, it didn't mean he was going to let her forget who was the master here and who was the servant. She was going to deal with her damn family whether she liked it or not, he would make sure of that.

As he left the room, he didn't look back to see whether she was following his instructions or not.

"It's been eleven minutes," he told her when she entered the kitchen a short while later.

"I wasn't timing myself," she replied, visibly taken aback that he was being so exact about the time limit he'd given her. "Are you going to let me eat?" she asked timidly.

"I suppose..." he answered, turning away from her so she wouldn't see his smile as he silently laughed at her. The purpose of the time limit had been to get her out of bed and ready for the day without him having to prod her at every step. The "eleven minutes" comment had been his attempt at making a joke to lighten the mood - only eight minutes had actually passed - but she'd taken it seriously.

She had a panic attack when they reached the Lestrange main estate, just as she had at Malfoy Manor last week. He was prepared to deal with her behavior this time because he knew what to expect.

"Bella, calm down." He took her hand in his, intertwining his fingers with hers. "I'm right here. I'll be with you the whole time."

She gripped his hand tightly as they walked up to the house.

~tbc~


	16. Black Anxiety

_Were you holding hands when my wrist bled?_  -AFI, "Affliction"

~ The Killing Lights ~

Bellatrix was not looking forward to the encounter with Rodolphus's mother. She didn't know why the woman wanted to see her, but she figured it couldn't be good. Not after what had happened ten days ago (which her mother-in-law had surely heard about), and the impending divorce. She didn't want to be humiliated - in front of the Dark Lord, no less - about her inability to produce a perfect pureblood heir for the Lestrange family. Nor did she want to hear the old woman berate her for losing the one child she had finally managed to conceive after over ten years of failed attempts.

As the Dark Lord raised his hand to knock on the door, Bellatrix grabbed his arm and said, " _Wait_."

He could see that she was starting to panic again.

He let go of her _other_ hand - the one he'd been holding - and knocked on the door with his now-free hand.

The door creaked open and an elderly house elf, pretending not to notice the awkward position the two humans were in (her hand gripping his arm, his hand still cleched into a fist and poised as though about to knock), said, "Please come in, honored guests. Master and Mistress is expecting you."

The Dark Lord entered the house and Bellatrix reluctantly followed, pushing the door closed behind her.

"Swingy will show you the way to the parlor," the elf squeaked.

"We don't need you to do that, I know my own way around the house!" Bella snapped bad-temperedly, and the elf cringed away from her.

She clung close to Voldemort's side as they made their way through the hallways unassisted.

"I _hate_ house elves," she told him quietly, explaining her earlier outburst. "Filthy creatures, I wouldn't have allowed any in my house if I could-"

She stopped in mid-sentence, too embarassed to admit that she had never bothered to properly learn how to do the things that house elves took care of - the things that made her a failure as a wife because she didn't know how to do them. If she _had_ , then maybe Rodolphus would have been more willing to forgive her over the incident ten days ago...

Voldemort didn't understand why she was hesitant to admit to something that he already knew about her. Bellatrix and Rodolphus had often argued - quite viciously, and not caring who was there to witness it - about Bella's lack of proper homemaking skills. He supposed she must be embarassed by it - or worse, she was brooding over her failed marriage again.

~tbc~


	17. Gray Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (notes as they appeared when this was originally posted to FFN): Apparently JKR never named Rodolphus's parents, which made writing this chapter difficult since I don't want to just make up random names for them.

_Like a memory, it twists me._  -AFI, "This Celluloid Dream"

~ The Killing Lights ~

Rodolphus's mother swept Bellatrix into a hug the moment she stepped into the room.

"Darling, we've been so worried about you," she cooed - the very picture of motherly affection, and a far cry from any of the scenarios Bellatrix had imagined.

Her father-in-law joined them in the doorway and reached out to ruffle Bella's hair, asking quietly, "Are you alright?"

Overwhelmed by the outpouring of sympathy and affection she hadn't expected to receive from her husband's parents, Bellatrix burst into tears.

Mr. Lestrange seemed rather put off by her crying. He turned to the Dark Lord and said a bit awkwardly, "Why don't we leave these two alone for a bit... so they can talk about, um... woman things..."

Voldemort followed him from the parlor to the sitting room - which was basically the same as the parlor, except decorated in a different color scheme. Voldermort wondered vaguely how many parlors/sitting rooms/living rooms people thought they needed in a house like this... The rooms were basically useless except as places for entertaining guests, since wizards had never invented a magical equivalent of television.

They sat in overstuffed chairs by the fireplace (which was unlit) and made small talk while playing chess, for lack of anything better to do. Voldemort wasn't paying much attention to the game or his companion's chatter. Even though he knew that Bella was probably fine, he couldn't help worrying about her.

Back in the parlor, Bellatrix had already stopped crying and was listening to the elder Mrs. Lestrange explain that Rodolphus had been disowned by his family over recent events.

"I imagine your aunt has blasted his name off the Black family tree, as well." Bellatrix cringed at the mention of Sirius's mother, but Mother Lestrange didn't seem to notice as she continued to babble, "But we'll always think of you as our daughter, even after the divorce is finalized. My husband was _furious_ when he heard about that. Honestly, ending a marriage over something like that, causing a scandal... It's not like you're not still capable of bearing children and you're still young, you have plenty of childbearing years left..."

She went on like that for quite a while and Bellatrix tuned her out, not wanting to hear any more about her impending divorce or her lost child. She wondered where the Dark Lord had gone off to and how much longer it would be until they could leave.

"I don't know if you've heard yet, and I know this probably isn't the best time to tell you, but Rabbit's getting married."

Bellatrix's attention snapped back to her mother-in-law at these words.

"Rabastan is getting married?" she asked incredulously. _Well, with Rod being disowned, that leaves Rab as the only one to carry on the family name even though he's been saying he was never going to get married ever since we were children. I suppose he feels it's his duty as the "only son" now_. Which only left the question: "To _who_?"

"Alecto Carrow," Mother Lestrange answered brightly.

Apparently the Lestranges really _didn't_ have any problems with having female Death Eaters in the family. Bellatrix remembered that they'd happily welcomed her into the family on her wedding day, when it had already been a well-known fact that she had joined the Dark Lord's army and been branded with his Mark.

Bellatrix had a feeling that Alecto had been pressured by her own parents to hurry up and make a respectable pureblood marriage. Because recently there had been quite a number of rumors floating around about Alecto and _Greyback_...

~tbc~


	18. Black Truth

_It's not like you killed someone._  
_It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side._  
_Praise the one who left you broken down and paralyzed._  -A Perfect Circle, "Judith"

~ The Killing Lights ~

Despite the fact that he wasn't paying very much attention to the chessboard, Voldemort beat Mr. Lestrange quite easily. Bellatrix came into the sitting room just as the game was ending.

"Did you know that Rabastan is marrying Alecto?" she asked without preamble.

"Yes," the Dark Lord answered shortly.

She wanted to ask why he hadn't shared the information with her, but she was pretty sure the answer to that question was because of her behavior - either he HAD already told told her when she was in zombie mode and his words had gone in one ear and out the other, or else he simply hadn't told her because of her volatile emotional state.

Voldemort could tell from the look on her face that she wanted to say something, although he wasn't sure exactly _what_.

"Alecto expressed an interest in having you attend the wedding, if you're feeling up to it," he told her. No one would have classified the two witches as friends, but both of them being Death Eaters made them closer to being friends with each other than they were with any of the other pureblood females in their age group. "And I'm sure Rabastan would be happy to have you there, as well."

"When is the wedding?" she asked curiously.

"Next week."

"That's... soon," Bella said stupidly.

"Yes, well, there's a reason for that," the Dark Lord answered tersely.

"Because Alecto's been caught fooling around Greyback?" she guessed.

"That's only a rumor," Voldemort said, frowning. He wondered if Alecto had actually admitted to Bellatrix that she was fooling around with the werewolf.

"Oh," Bella replied, looking disappointed at finding out that it wasn't true. "Why, then?"

Voldemort hesitated a moment too long and Bellatrix figured out the answer before he actually said it.

"She's pregnant."

"With Rabastan's child?" Bellatrix asked suspiciously. Rabbit was timid with the ladies. The only females his own age he'd ever been comfortable with were ones who _weren't_ single - which meant they weren't available, which meant he didn't have to worry about them trying to start something romantic with him. He was overly fearful of being trapped into marriage.

This time Mr. Lestrange provided the answer before the Dark Lord had a chance to say anything.

"No, with some damn _Weasley's_ child. She was drunk at the time, and killed the man when she regained consciousness the morning after."

So it was a pureblood child, but the whole Weasley family were blood traitors - had been for centuries - so they were going to pretend that Rabastan was the father. Of course, the situation with Rodolphus being disowned complicated the matter...

Voldemort was just relieved that the mention of another woman being pregnant hadn't caused Bella to have an emotional episode.

~tbc~


	19. Black King

_Smile injected,  
Serum of a will destroyed._ -AFI, "The Nephilim"

~ The Killing Lights ~

In the ensuing awkward silence, Mr. Lestrange hastily changed the subject by challenging Lord Voldemort to a rematch.

A few moves into the chess game, Bellatrix hesitantly admitted that she thought she would like to attend the wedding.

"Rabbit will be happy to hear that, I'm sure," Mr. Lestrange remarked absently. He was concentrating on the chess board, determined not to let the Dark Lord make a fool of him again this time.

A few moves later Mr. Lestrange had lost both bishops and a rook, and was very near to having queen taken when Bellatrix interrupted the game again.

"I almost forgot, she told me to tell you that lunch will be ready in two hours... well, more like an hour and a half now..." Bella did not add _which explains why I was sent in here to wait with the men until it's ready, instead of being expected to help - because I fail at being a woman_. But she was thinking it.

Another half hour passed in silence until Mr. Lestrange was forced to concede defeat. He would have very likely challenged Voldemort to _another_ rematch, if his son had not arrived at that very moment.

Rabastan politely greeted the Dark Lord and Bellatrix before turing to his father and hissing in an urgent tone, "I need to talk to you."

His father could tell that he meant he needed to discuss something with him in private, so the Lestrange men excused themselves from present company - leaving Bellatrix and Voldemort alone in the sitting room.

The Dark Lord could tell that being here in the ancestral home of her (soon-to-ex)husband's family was putting her nerves on edge. He wasn't sure how to calm her down other than _leaving_ , which wasn't exactly an option at this point since Mother Lestrange was obviously expecting them to stick around at least until lunch time.

"Would you care for a game?" he asked casually, as he reset the chess pieces to their initial positions.

"Alright," Bella replied, settling into the chair that Mr. Lestrange had so recently vacated. Even though she didn't really feel like playing chess right now, she supposed it would give her something to keep her mind occupied, at least.

Minutes later the Dark Lord was silently cursing himself for not knowing better than to stir up any of the antagonistic feelings underlying Bella's grief. Because his aggressive strategy on the chess board had caused those feelings to flare out of control and she'd exploded into a berserk rage in the middle of the game.

He quickly cast a soundproofing spell around the room so that the Lestrange family wouldn't overhear the duel.

As with last time, he defended himself as best he could without actively attacking and once he'd lured her into arm's reach of himself, he wrestled her wand away from her and backed her against a wall.

To silence her screams, however, he did not do the same thing he had done the last time. This time he leaned down and sealed his mouth over hers, kissing her roughly until she stopped struggling against him and melted into his embrace.

~tbc~


	20. Black Awakening

_Turn your anger into lust._  
_I'm still here but you don't trust at all._  
_And I'll be waiting._  
_Love and sex and loneliness,_  
_Take what's yours and leave the rest so I'll survive_. -Goo Goo Dolls, "Big Machine"

~ The Killing Lights ~

He released his hold on her wrists. Her fingers fisted in the thick velvet of his robes. His hands closed around her waist, and from there they slid down to her hips. She returned his kisses hungrily, as if she'd been starved for affection for far too long, licking and biting at his lips as she pressed herself closer to him like she couldn't get enough.

It was a good thing that the soundproofing spell didn't work both ways, as footsteps and loud voices in the hallway alerted the pair to Rabastan and Mr. Lestrange's return only moments before the men entered the room.

The Dark Lord came to his senses and pulled away from Bellatrix. He nullified the soundproofing spell and put the room back in order with a flick of his wand. (They'd knocked over quite a bit of furniture during their fight.)

The two of them sat back down at the chessboard just as the Lestrange men entered the room.

Voldemort moved a piece, even though he knew it hadn't been his turn when the game stopped. He doubted that Bella even remembered whose turn it was, much less that she had the presence of mind to pretend they'd been doing nothing but playing chess until this moment.

"You moved out of turn," she snapped, surprising him. Maybe she _was_ more aware of what was going on than he'd thought.

He replaced the piece he'd moved back to its original square.

"You're taking so long that I forgot whose turn it was," he replied sourly.

Rabastan could tell that something was off about their behavior, but his father didn't seem to have noticed that anything was amiss.

"Forget it, I don't want play anymore," Bellatrix said, shaking her head. She stood up and moved to a chair in the far corner of the room, where she curled into a ball and sat brooding. Her nerves were humming - her body still hadn't come down from the adrenaline rush of the fight. And the kiss... Oh God, that kiss... There had been more passion in that kiss alone than in all the nights she had shared with Rodolphus. She'd never thought that her feelings for the Dark Lord were love - not the romantic kind, anyway - and she knew that getting involved with him this way would be a bad idea, but _that kiss_... She knew it was wrong but she couldn't help it. She wanted more of that.

"Is she _always_ like this? You know, ever since...?" Rabastan asked disbelievingly. Bella was the strongest woman he had ever known - in more ways the one. Seeing her broken down like this was shocking, to say the least.

"This? No," the Dark Lord replied and Rabastan felt relieved until he went on, "She's been a complete emotional wreck since the battle. She's usually _much_ worse than this."

~tbc~


	21. Black Lightning

_I heard you speak words I know you didn't write,_  
_But I believe you, believe them,_  
_Cause you spoke them again in my dream last night_. -AFI, "Carcinogen Crush"

~ The Killing Lights ~

"Bella, are you okay?" Rabastan asked, concerned.

"I guess, for now," she answered quietly. She lifted her head and looked up at him. "I wonder if this is what going insane feels like..."

"You're not insane, Bella, you're grieving," the Dark Lord cut in. "You've been through a terrible emotional shock and you're not handling it very well. But I _highly_ doubt that you will lose your mind over it."

She looked at him sharply when he said that she wasn't handling it well.

"What? You _aren't_ handling it very well," Voldemort said when he saw the look she was giving him. "But that doesn't mean you're going to go insane," he added in a gentler tone. "You'll be fine. You just need time to heal."

"Right, 'time heals everything' and all that bullshit," she snapped, eyes flashing.

"Bella, don't start this again," the Dark Lord warned her, in a menacing tone that told her it would be dangerous to continue arguing with him.

He didn't want another fight so soon, especially not when there were other people there to witness it.

"I didn't say I thought I _was_ going insane," she explained sullenly, pouting. "I only said 'I wonder if this is what going insane feels like'."

Further conversation was interrupted by the house elf popping into the room and announcing that lunch was ready.

"Well then, we'd better head to the dining room," Mr. Lestrange said with forced cheerfulness and quickly departed, clearly glad to escape the odd tension pervading the sitting room. Rabastan followed him out of the room obediently.

Bella, still sulking, whined that she wasn't hungry - whereupon Voldemort stormed over and seized her by the wrist.

"Stop this," he said coldly as he dragged her forcibly from the chair. He would not let her sink into mindless zombie mode again.

Unfortunately, he did not foresee the exact consequences of his actions and Bellatrix - unable to catch her balance upon being yanked out of the chair - stumbled and fell heavily against him, sending them both crashing to the floor.

 _Well, this isn't awkward. At all. Especially if someone is wondering what's taking us so long and comes into the room right now_ , Voldemort thought sarcastically to himself.

"Ow," Bella moaned.

"Sorry," he said, although it was a rather offhanded and insincere apology.

"You can be such a _bastard_ sometimes," she said bluntly, as she awkwardly disentangled herself from him.

"And you can be such a pain in the ass sometimes," he replied in a deceptively calm tone. "I think that makes us about even."

They were standing there giving each other dirty looks when Rabastan came back to see what was taking them so long.

~tbc~


	22. Black Knight

_Swimming, bathing, drowning in sorrow.  
Scream with me._ -AFI, "The Interview"

~ The Killing Lights ~

"Bella wasn't feeling well. She's lying down on the couch in the living room," Rabastan explained to his parents when he and the Dark Lord entered in the dining room without Bellatrix. The living room was _another_ basically useless room, in Voldemort's opinion - although it did have couches in addition to chairs, unlike the parlor and the sitting room.

They were halfway through the meal when an ungodly shriek rang out.

 _Oh Hell, she must have fallen asleep and had a nightmare_ , Voldemort thought exasperatedly. He made his way back to the living room as quickly as he could, while Bellatrix's panicked screams continued to echo throughout the house.

She didn't hear him calling her name, _couldn't_ hear him over the animalistic cries issuing from her own mouth. Her screams began to die down as she felt the Dark Lord's arms close around her. He lifted her into his lap and wrapped one arm tightly around her waist.

"Shh, Bella, hush, it's alright," he murmured, stroking her hair.

She could actually hear him now that her screams had quieted to whimpers. She buried her face against his chest, taking comfort in his familiar scent, his strong arms around her, his fingers tangled in her hair.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asked softly.

"No," she breathed, her voice hardly above a whisper. "It was... a good dream..." Her voice cracked on the word _good_. She explained haltingly, "I dreamed that my baby was born... It was a boy, the male heir we'd wanted for so long... We named him Hyperion... Rod was happy, I was happy... Our families were happy... Everything was alright... And then I woke up."

Waking up to find out that her dearest wish had _not_ come true and being forced back into the cruel reality of her life was far more devastating to her fragile psyche than any nightmare.

He waited for her to start crying and when she didn't, he didn't know whether to feel relieved or worried.

Soon afterward, he took her home - back to his house. He didn't know when he'd started thinking of his home as _her_ home as well (as opposed to her home being the house she shared with Rodolphus.) Bellatrix had only been staying with the Dark Lord for ten days.

He didn't know what to do with her. She hadn't gone back into zombie mode again, but she wasn't crying or flying into a psychotic rage either. He was half-tempted to just give her a Dreamless Sleep potion and not have to deal with her until she woke up again... although he knew that it wasn't a viable option.

After agonizing over the decision for a few brief moments that felt to him like an eternity, he turned to her and asked, "Bella, what do you need?"

"I..." She faltered. "Will you... just hold me?" she asked timidly.

In response, he opened his arms to her. She rushed into his embrace.

She spent the rest of the day curled up in his lap - crying occasionally, but not a lot of the time - while he read _Nightdream_.

~tbc~


	23. Black Secret

_We dance in misery._  -AFI, "Dancing Through Sunday"

~ The Killing Lights ~

It wasn't until they were sitting down to breakfast on the morning of the wedding that he thought to ask her, "You do have something appropriate to wear, don't you?"

Bellatrix sprayed orange juice across the table as she burst out laughing.

"You're asking me this _now_?"

 _Well, I didn't really have a lot of time to think about things like that, between the war and trying to take of you_ , he thought sourly.

Her laughter died in her throat when she saw the expression on his face.

"Yes, I have a dress I can wear," she answered seriously.

"One that's not black?" he inquired.

She made a face. "It's pink."

Now he was the one laughing.

"Shut up, my sister picked it out!" she snapped, an embarassed blush staining her cheeks. It was the dress she'd worn to Narcissa's wedding and she wasn't looking forward to being seen it again, even if it _was_ actually a very flattering cut and color on her.

They returned to their separate bedrooms to get dressed.

The Dark Lord didn't look much different than usual in his formal dress robes.

Bellatrix, however...

Voldemort was stunned at the difference in her appearance. The dress was a beautiful pale rose-colored silk with a floor-length skirt, cinched at the waist with a delicate silver chain-link belt. The sleeves laced up from wrist to elbow with turquoise ribbons. The dress was not particularly revealing - no slit in the skirt, no plunging neckline - but the thin fabric clung deliciously to her every curve. She had also pinned her hair up in some complicated style instead of letting it fall loose around her shoulders like she usually did.

"That color looks good on you," he said with a soft smile, and gave her a quick kiss. "Let's go."

He didn't know how he was going to keep his hands off of her for the rest of the day.

The wedding ceremony itself was rather boring. Bellatrix laid her head on Voldemort's shoulder and napped through most of it, which (ironically) helped his resolve not to do anything inappropriate to her, because he was too busy worrying that she might have a nightmare and wake up screaming in the middle of the ceremony.

The reception was quite a bit more lively, and since it had been almost three weeks since most of the pureblood society had last seen Bellatrix, she found herself being dragged onto the dance floor by _every_ male in the room who was over the age of seventeen.

She was tired of receiving everyone's sympathy and was just about ready to smack someone if they didn't all leave her alone when Rabastan cut in on her current dance partner.

"Hi," he said awkwardly. "I though you must be getting tired of all that by now."

She sighed heavily.

"Every time I try to sit down, someone else asks for a dance then stands here and tells me how sorry he is about what I'm going through and all that crap..." She trailed off. "So, how are _you_ holding up?"

Rabastan made a face. "I don't even want to think about how this is going to work out."

Bellatrix leaned close to him and whispered, "Are you even sure that the baby's father is really 'some Weasley' and not Greyback?"

"Yes," he answered flatly.

"But-"

"I know, because _I'm_ the one who's been fooling around with Greyback."

Bellatrix stopped midstep and just stared at her brother-in-law with a stricken expression.

"Bella, I'm gay. I've known since I was a kid that I'm attracted to men not women, which is why I always said I was never getting married... Don't look at me that way, please..."

She shook her head and backed away from him.

Familiar hands gripped her shoulders.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

Bellatrix turned and threw herself into Voldermort's arms.

"Nothing," she mumbled, unable to bring herself to repeat Rabastan's secret. "Dance with me?" she begged.

She'd already danced with just about every man who was here _except_ for him - they all kept cutting in on each other to get their chance to express their condolences for her losses - but she didn't think anyone would dare try to take her away from the Dark Lord.

~tbc~


	24. Black Chalice

_You must never forget the essence of your spark._  -Fear Factory, "Archetype"

~ The Killing Lights ~

"I though you'd be tired of dancing by now," Voldemort said, as the pair joined the other couples on the dance floor.

"I don't mind _dancing_. I'm tired of listening to everyone offer me their insincere sympathy, which they feel obligated to do out of social courtesy," she answered bitterly.

"You knew it would be this way when you agreed to come. No one outside of your extended family has seen you since the incident."

"I know," she sighed. "But that doesn't make it any less unpleasant."

As she'd expected, no man dared to cut in on her dance with the Dark Lord. The music changed but they did not switch partners. He boldly allowed his hand to slide low on her hip. She could feel the heat of his hand through the thin fabric of her dress yet she felt none of the old sparks of attraction that she had once held for him. The man she longed for - the only one she currently had room in heart for - was the husband who had left her.

Everyone who was watching the pair could clearly see what the two of them could not - that the Dark Lord was falling in love with the beautiful, broken young woman who had saved his life.

Then the dancing ended and it was time for speeches and toasts and the wedding banquet, all of which Bellatrix found very boring. So she entertained herself by getting drunk on the champagne... until the Dark Lord snatched her glass and told her she'd had enough.

Which she might have found sweet and endearing, if she hadn't been drunk and craving more alcohol. As it was, she demanded that he return her glass. And when he refused, she pulled her wand on him.

He wasn't expecting that, which is why they ended up having a fight - right there in front of almost all of the purebloods in wizarding society, in the middle of Rabastan and Alecto's wedding reception. And that wasn't the worst part.

Bellatrix was _very obviously_ drunk. She slurred her curses, producing some very interesting and unpredictable results. Voldemort was having a tough time defending himself while attempting to prevent any of Bella's poorly aimed spells from hitting anyone else. No one stepped in to assist him - most of them were terrified of facing Bellatrix in a duel even when she was sober.

Voldemort went for a different tactic than in their previous battles and hit her with a stunning spell. He hissed expletives under his breath as she shrugged his spell off like it was nothing.

There was only one thing he could really do in this situation. It would be a risky move, but...

He darted forward - dodging a poorly aimed curse - and grabbed Bellatrix around the waist, pulling her tightly against him... and disapparated.

~tbc~


	25. Gray Dawn

_Can you feel her burning through your veins?_  -Atreyu, "Her Portrait In Black"

~ The Killing Lights ~

Bellatrix woke up the next morning in the Dark Lord's bed with a bad headache, dry mouth, and the taste of stale vomit lingering in the back of her throat. He wasn't in the bed with her, or even in the room.

When she got up to go look for him, she noticed that she wasn't wearing the pink dress anymore - she was wearing a nightgown. She wondered how she'd gotten her clothes changed last night - or, more accurately, _who_ had changed them. She went to the bathroom and rinsed out her mouth before going downstairs.

Bella found the Dark Lord in his favorite armchair under the window in the library, reading _Nightdream_ again.

"What happened last night?" she asked him.

"I should think that was obvious," the Dark Lord replied curtly without looking up from his book.

"I've got a hangover from Hell so it's obvious I was drunk off my ass, but _what happened_?"

His head snapped up at the note of panic in her question.

"What do you remember?" he asked, frowning.

She thought hard for a moment before answering.

"I remember dancing with you at the wedding. After that, nothing."

He sighed and set _Nightdream_ aside. "Come here."

She went to him and curled up in his lap. His arms closed around her and she buried her face against his chest.

"What happened?" she whispered fearfully.

"Oh, Bella..." he sighed, before outlining the events of the previous day. "... After I got you back here, things were easier. Apparating, after all the alcohol you'd had, made you sick to your stomach and you threw up everything. You broke down and cried for a while after that, then you asked me for a Dreamless Sleep potion. I gave it to you, not foreseeing the problems with that solution..."

"What problems?"

He was silent for a moment, debating whether or not he should tell her.

"... you pissed the bed."

"I _what_?" she shrieked. Something like that was far more embarassing than being drunk in public or causing a ruckus at a family member's wedding.

"Well, you were too deeply asleep from the combination of the alcohol and the potion to be able to wake yourself up to take care of your bodily functions... that's why I changed your clothes and moved you to my room."

"Were you with me all night?" she asked softly.

"Yes," he answered. _Although it was more like from yesterday afternoon until early this morning_.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. He heard the tremor in her voice that indicated she was about to start crying.

"It's alright," he said softly, rubbing her back. "It was my fault as much as yours. I should have known better than to give you the Dreamless Sleep potion when you were in that condition."

He'd been more concerned with getting her calmed down than with her overall health at that point, and he'd carelessly given her something that could have proved more harmful than it had.

"I-" She stopped and sucked in a shaky deep breath, willing herself not to break down crying. "I'm glad I've got you to take care of me," she whispered.

~tbc~


	26. Black Blood

_But one is receiving a bloody invitation._  -AFI, "Sacrifice Theory"

~ The Killing Lights ~

The next morning (the dawn of the twentieth day since Bellatrix had moved into the Dark Lord's home), Voldemort went down to the kitchen to make breakfast and was surprised to find that Bellatrix was already there. She was sitting at the table with her head in her hands - the very picture of misery.

When she heard him come into the room, she said without preamble, "I want to go see my sister."

"Why?"

The question was out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop himself. He knew it would be better not to say or do anything that might discourage her from wanting to see her family. He _was_ curious about what had sparked her sudden desire to visit Narcissa, though.

"Because," she mumbled without looking up.

" 'Because' isn't a reason," he stated flatly.

Seeing as how it wasn't a question, she didn't feel that she was strictly required to respond. However, she could sense his stare fixed on her. It sent tingles up her spine - and not in a pleasant way. She lifted her head from her hands and opened her mouth as if to speak, but struggled to find the words with which to say what she needed to tell him while avoiding saying what she _didn't_ want to tell him.

She stood up abruptly and turned away from him - but not before he noticed that her face was flushed with embarrassment.

"Can we just go?" she snapped irritably.

It seemed that something was wrong, something for which only her sister would be able to provide the solution. So he did not press the issue and simply agreed to take her to Malfoy Manor.

It was still very early in the morning when they arrived.

Narcissa seemed to know exactly what was wrong with her sister without anyone saying anything, and immediately dragged Bellatrix off into the depths of the house - leaving Voldemort standing just outside the doorway, wondering what the hell was going on. After a moment he gathered his wits and stepped inside the house, pulling the door closed behind him.

Five minutes later, Narcissa returned. Alone.

"Where is Bella?" Voldemort asked, nonplussed.

"She's asleep in one of the guest rooms upstairs," Narcissa answered.

"Is she alright?"

"She'll be fine," Narcissa said, sounding slightly amused. "It's just cramps. She gets really bad ones when her cycle starts. I gave her a strong pain-relieving potion. I'm sure she'll feel better after her nap."

Ah, so Bellatrix was suffering from menstrual cramps. No wonder she'd been too embarrassed to talk to him about it.

~tbc~


	27. Black Ache

_Hope is always fear  
For the pain it may cost_ _._  -Sarah Bettens, "All of This Past"

~ The Killing Lights ~

"Bella... Bella, wake up."

"What?" she mumbled sleepily, without opening her eyes.

She felt the mattress sink as Voldemort sat on the edge of the bed beside her.

"It's almost noon. You've been sleeping all morning," he informed her. "Narcissa is fixing lunch and wanted to know if you were hungry, but she was afraid to wake you up herself."

Bellatrix opened her eyes and saw that he was looking down at her with an amused expression.

"Of course she was afraid. My sister knows how I am," Bellatrix said - referring, undoubtedly, to her own unpredictable temper. She shifted position and laid her head in the Dark Lord's lap. "Being a woman is tough," she sighed as she drifted back to sleep.

About twenty mintues later, Narcissa very slowly and quietly entered the room.

"I thought you were going to wake her up," she said, her voice hardly above a whisper.

"I did wake her up," Voldemort replied, not bothering to lower his voice. "As you can see, she went back to sleep."

At this, Bellatrix stirred and mumbled, "I'm awake."

"Are you ready to get up?" the Dark Lord asked, somewhat impatiently.

"No," Bellatrix moaned. "But my cramps are back."

"It's too soon for you to take another pain relieving potion of that strength," Narcissa said, shaking her head. "There could be serious side effects... You could become addicted..."

"I know," Bellatrix snapped, sitting up. "You don't have to remind me. And listening to you nag isn't exactly doing anything for the pain."

"What else do you normally do for the pain?" Voldemort asked quickly, in the hope of stopping an argument from breaking out between the sisters.

"A massage might work," Narcissa answered. "It helps sometimes."

"Yeah, _sometimes_ ," Bella said, sounding as though she clearly did not expect it to work _this_ time.

"Oh, stop whining," Narcissa snapped. "Lie face down on the bed."

Voldemort was surprised to see Bellatrix do exactly as she was told despite her obvious disbelief that this course of action would actually do anything to relieve her pain.

Bella relaxed - as much as she could under the circumstances - and waited for the massage that might or might not bring some measure of relief from her cramps.

But the thin, long-fingered hands that closed around her waist did not belong to her sister. Her immediate reaction was to tense up, but she melted into the mattress as the Dark Lord's hands kneaded her aching muscles.

~tbc~


	28. Black Thoughts

_As you reached for my hand,_  
_Did you then understand,_  
_It was I who would lead you that night?_  -AFI, "Darling, I Want To Destroy You"

~ The Killing Lights ~

"Well," he said. "At least now you know that the healer was right and you'll still be able to bear children in the future, if you should so desire."

"With _who_?" she responded bitterly.

A sense of deja vu swept over him at the sound of her words. They'd had this conversation before, and not with favorable results.

The answer he wanted to give was not one that he felt she was ready to hear, so he said simply, "Anyone you want."

She lifted her head and gave him a long, hard, calculating look before asking, "Are you offering?" When he did not immediately reply, she elaborated, "To be the father?"

He didn't know how to respond to that. The answer that was already half-formed in his mind was a response to what he'd _assumed_ she would say - that the only man she would even think about wanting was her soon-to-be-ex husband. Which was a far cry from what she'd actually said...

"Is that want you want?" he inquired, keeping his tone and expression carefully neutral so as not to influence her decision with his own desires.

She considered for a moment before replying, "I suppose what I was really asking is, did you really - literally - mean _anyone_ I wanted? Or are there certain restrictions on that?"

He was struck speechless - hardly able to believe the direction the conversation was taking - and he mentally kicked himself for not being swifter in answering her _first_ question, which might have prevented the current course of discussion.

"Don't stop," she whined, and he realized that he'd been so caught up in his thoughts that he'd forgotten what he was doing and allowed his hands to go still.

"By _anyone_ , I of course meant anyone with whom such a union would be both feasible and socially acceptable," he amended his original statement as he resumed administering the massage.

The "socially acceptable" stipulation severely limited her choices because it meant that she would have to stay away from other women's husbands, many of whom - she was sure - would welcome the chance to have an affair with Bellatrix Lestrange...

~tbc~


	29. Black Week

_If there's discretion that you've not abandoned, now's the time._  -AFI, "End Transmission"

~ The Killing Lights ~

Bellatrix went back to sleep after her pain was sufficiently relieved by the massage. They ended up staying for dinner, after which the Dark Lord took her home.

When they were on their way out, Narcissa had handed Bellatrix a paper shopping bag with "some things you'll need" in it, and entrusted a crystal vial containing single dose of the extra-strength pain relieving potion to the Dark Lord - just in case Bella should happen to need it. Although according to Naricssa, "Her cramps ususally don't last past the first day."

Now that they were home, Voldemort asked Bella what her sister had given her.

Bellatrix blushed slightly as she answered, "Not much, really. Just some magical panties and shield-charmed sheets."

"Magical panties?" he repeated, sounding slightly amused. "And, ah... what, exactly, would the purpose of that item be?"

Bella flushed scarlet as she snapped, "They're enchanted to Vanish blood. You _do_ know what menstruation IS, don't you?"

 _Wait, blood?! Why is there bleeding?_ _And where is the blood coming from?_

"Not... entirely..." was all he said aloud. He had a general idea but didn't know the specifics of it, just that it had something to do with female fertility and that most of the women he knew tended to be in a foul mood during it and sometimes complained of cramps or 'heavy days'.

She smirked a little, reveling in the sight of his shocked expression as she broke down the mysteries of the female anatomy to him.

"And... you go through all of that _once a month_...?" he asked incredulously, once she was done explaining.

"Like clockwork," she replied flatly. "Like I told you earlier, being a woman is tough."

Yes, she'd told him that, but he hadn't realized how much of an _understatement_ it was until he had the details laid out for him like this.

For the next few days Bellatrix mostly stayed locked in her room, until the worst of the bleeding was over. For another three days after that she was alternately either restless or overtired.

The morning of the eighth day since their trip to Malfoy Manor, he woke to find her curled up beside him, sleeping peacefully.

They'd been through thirty days of hell together. And compared to that, winning the war seemed like it would be a piece of cake to accomplish.

~to be concluded~


	30. Endless White

_I..._  
_I came here by day,_  
_But I left here in darkness,_  
_And found you,_  
_Found you on the way._  -AFI, "Silver and Cold"

~ The Killing Lights ~

\- Epilogue: 5 years later -

Alone, unaided by any other members of the Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore approached the Dark Lord's place of residence. It had taken him much time to figure out the location, and much more to find a way to get through the wards around the place.

The war had ended in a coup with the Dark Forces overthrowing the previous government, but after the regime change there wasn't really much difference in the everyday goings-on of the wizarding world. The Auror office was staffed primarily by Death Eaters, and Lucius Malfoy had become the Minister of Magic - but even so, the running of the Ministry was not much different than ever before. Ridiculous new laws favoring purebloods above all others had NOT been put into play. Muggle hunting was not made a legal sport. None of the horrors that everyone feared would be visited upon them had actually come to pass. The Order of the Phoenix was forced to disband, under threat of being arrested and thrown in Azkaban if their "rebel gatherings and treasonous activities" continued. Dumbledore had been "asked" to step down as the Headmaster of Hogwarts, but rather than being replaced with one of Voldemort's pawns, the school's board of governors (of which Lucius Malfoy was still a member) had elected to promote Professor McGonagall to Headmistress after Dumbledore's (involuntary) retirement.

All of which only made Dumbledore more anxious about what Lord Voldemort's long-term plans for his dark reign might be. So, for these past five years, he had sought a confrontation with the Dark Lord - which was harder than it sounded, since Voldemort had hidden himself away somewhere and ran the wizarding world solely through his minions without ever putting in a personal appearance.

And now the old wizard had finally managed to gain access to the Dark Lord's secret lair.

It was a surprisingly small nondescript house in a secluded neighborhood. Dumbledore cautiously pushed open the front door which, oddly, opened directly into the kitchen. Well, it _was_ a small house - and he doubted that anyone normally entered the house through the door, anyway.

The old wizard was surprised to see that there was dark-haired a young girl - about three or four years old, if he had to guess - sitting on the kitchen floor, hugging two stuffed toy unicorns. For a moment he wondered if he was in the wrong place. But he couldn't leave without investigating, even if this turned out to be a false lead. He pushed the door closed behind him with a soft click and knelt before the child.

"Hello," he whispered.

"Hi," the child replied shyly, hugging the stuffed unicorns tighter as she stared curiously at the strange old man who'd come to visit.

Dumbledore reached out to pick her up and when the child did not flinch or pull away from him, he quickly scooped her up and stood. He cradled the child against his shoulder using only his left arm, leaving his right arm free to wield his wand against any possible dangers.

Exiting the kitchen, Dumbledore found himself in a hallway. There was a staircase leading to the upper floor at the end of the hallway, and along each wall was a doorway. One led to a small shabby living room that looked as though it was mostly unused, the other to a library. The library was well-stocked - the tall bookshelves filled with neatly ordered books lining the walls were interrupted only by a single window. It was in this room that the old wizard found the Dark Lord.

Voldemort was curled up in his favorite armchair under the window in the library with _Nightdream_ open in his lap, his attention divided between the book and the three children playing quietly at his feet.

With a shock, Dumbledore recgonized the oldest child (the only boy among them) as Draco Malfoy. There was also a rather unattractive redheaded girl who looked about two years younger than Draco. The third child - obviously the youngest of the three - was a little girl who Dumbledore almost mistook for another Malfoy child until she turned her head and looked up at him with piercing red eyes and he realized that her hair color was the result of her being an albino. Other than the obvious difference in their coloring, she was identical to the child the old wizard was holding.

 _Twins_ , he realized belatedly.

The albino twin glared at her sister and, raising her hands in front of her chest, spelled out in sign language: _Give me back my unicorn_.

The twin in Dumbledore's arms - without relinquishing her hold on either of the toy unicorns - signed back one-handedly: _No. Mine_.

Without looking up from his book, Voldemort said in a low voice, "Children, go in the other room." When they hesitated to obey, he snapped, "Now!"

Draco grabbed the albino twin and the redheaded girl each by the hand and dragged them out of the room - presumably to the shabby living room across the hall. Dumbledore carefully lowered the twin he was holding to the floor and she quickly scurried off after the other children.

The Dark Lord closed _Nightdream_ with a loud snap and stood from the chair, wand drawn.

"I didn't come here to fight, Tom," Dumbledore said quietly.

Neither man lowered his wand.

"What did you come here for, then?" Voldemort asked sharply. "Don't tell me you hunted me down simply to _talk_." The words were laced heavily with sarcasm.

"As a matter of fact, I did," Dumbledore said. "If it comes down to a fight, then I will fight you with everything that I have." Voldemort could see that the old wizard was deadly serious about this. "The thing I wanted to know most is _why_? What changed?"

Voldemort frowned. "You mean, why did I not carry through with my plans to purge the entire wizarding race of all muggle influence?"

"Yes, that. What changed, Tom?"

The Dark Lord sighed and sank back into his chair. He seemed a bit more at ease, but still on edge enough around his old teacher to keep his wand at the ready.

"The whole pureblood mentality - I found out that I don't understand it," he explained.

The honesty of his answer surprised Dumbledore.

"You saw the twins..." Voldemort continued hesitantly. "From the day they were born, Bella favored Lili over Medy." Although Voldemort did not say it in as many words, Dumbledore could extrapolate that Medy was the albino twin - who Bellatrix rejected for being born imperfect. "She was so upset when we found out that Lili was deaf..." His gaze flicked briefly upward - to the room above where Bellatrix was currently struggling to give birth to their third child. He almost hoped that there was something wrong with the new baby as well - because he was afraid that if the new baby was the perfect pureblood child that Bellatrix had always wanted, she would stop loving the twins altogether.

Dumbledore saw the glance and the worried expression that passed over the Dark Lord's face, but chose not to comment on it.

"Lily... that's a strange choice of names," the old wizard said instead, thinking the child to have been given the same name as Lily Potter.

"Not like the flower. It's short for Lilith," Voldemort said, the corners of his mouth curling into an expression of distaste. "Her sister's name is Medusa. Bellatrix picked them."

"Oh? You don't like your children being named after mythological snake creatures?" Dumbledore asked, sounding amused.

"It's not what I would have chosen," the Dark Lord answered shortly. Dragging the conversation back to the previous topic, he continued, "She didn't reject them outright - since both of them had imperfections and she felt she was lucky to have a child at all after what happened five years ago..." Dumbledore nodded to indicate he was aware of what had happened to Bellatrix five years ago. "The case of Cara Lestrange is worse."

"And also happened at an earlier point in time, if the child's age is any indication?" Dumbledore interjected - correctly assuming that the redheaded little girl he'd seen was in fact the child of Alecto Lestrange.

Voldemort glared at his former teacher in a way that said _How dare you interrupt me, the Dark Lord?!_

Dumbledore simply smiled serenely and waited for him to continue recounting his tale.

"Cara is fully pureblood and showed signs of magic within the first year, but Alecto refuses to have anything to do with child because she looks too much like a Weasley. Rabastan takes care of the child while he is home, and Narcissa babysits while he is at work."

"Is Narcissa here right now?" Dumbledore asked keenly. Since Draco and Cara were both here, and Bellatrix was noticeably absent...

"Yes, she is here to care for Bella during the birth..."

That worried expression was back again, Dumbledore noticed.

"You love Bellatrix, don't you?" he asked gently.

The Dark Lord looked shocked to be accused of such a thing.

"Is that... what I do...?" he asked uncertainly.

~end~


End file.
